I have worked in three different industries in my adult life.  In each industry, I was fortunate to have excellent mentors.  This wasn’t an accident.  I made sure it happened.  So how do you find the perfect mentor?  Here are 11 tips that worked for me:

The best mentors will not promote themselves as mentors.

They aren’t charging $500/hour for coaching.  There are several people that I would consider to be my proteges.  They probably consider me to be their mentor.  Not one of them has ever paid me money.  I’m not going to say that you shouldn’t pay for mentorship.  I’m just saying that the people who have been my best mentors were not people who promoted themselves as mentors.  They were people who had been in the industry a while and knew a lot.  For some reason, they took to liking me and wanted me to do well.  It grew from there.  I have never paid any of my mentors.

I think of a mentor as a wise old friend.  There are other people who can help you in your career where it is appropriate to pay them.  But for me, a mentor is a wise person who is willing to share their knowledge.  They relish in your success, and that is their reward.

Your ideal mentor will not be assigned by the company.

Some companies assign mentors.  I think assigned mentors probably work like arranged marriages.  Arranged marriages work in many cultures, but they are different from marriages where two people fall in love and get married.  I don’t have enough experience in that to know if they are better or worse, but I know they are different.  If you are from a culture where arranged marriages are the norm, you might prefer the assigned mentor.

Your mentor will likely be older than you, maybe a lot older.

I found they are often toward the end of their career, or at least the second half.  As I mentioned earlier, I think of a mentor as a wise old friend.  You need a mentor who has been around the block.  You also need a mentor who will not be intimidated when you start succeeding.  Someone with five years of experience who is trying to build a business themselves will not be a good mentor. That person might be a good accountability partner, almost like a workout buddy, but not a mentor.

If someone offers to help, take them up on it.

It is very common for me to give my card to someone and say, “If I can ever help you in any way, please give me a call.”  About six months ago, an agent who was a former student of mine took me up on it.  She called, and said, “Karen, can you help me some role-playing scripts?”  We now have a standing meeting every week.

I can also recall a student who I really wanted to succeed.  We had a lot in common and had good rapport during prelicensing class.  I offered to help her.  She said she didn’t need my help.  She explicitly said that she wanted to do this on her own.  I understand the desire to want to achieve something entirely on your own, but that just isn’t possible.  We all need other people.

I told her if I can ever help, she is welcome to call me.  I never heard from her.  I’ve lost track of her, so I don’t know how her career progressed or if she ever even sold one house.  I assume she either found someone to guide her or left the industry.  Maybe that someone is not someone she would call a mentor.  Maybe it’s a broker.  Maybe it’s a paid coach.  But someone has to help you.   Her story is not unique.  There have been dozens of people that I hoped would do well and wanted to help, but they had other plans.  But I know that if they ever called, I’d say, “Let’s meet and chat.”

Go where the mentors are.

My dad, Ron Climer, told me that he used to go to the office very early.  A new agent, John Herndon, realized that Dad was already there when John showed up.  One Monday, John got there at 8:00.  Dad was already there.  On Tuesday, John got there at 7:00. Dad was already there.  On Wednesday, John got there at 6:00.  Dad was already there.  John said, “Ron, what time do you get here?”

Dad said, “Today I got here at 5:37.”  The next day, John beat Dad to the office.

The point is not to be the first person to the office.  The point was that John got there when Dad was there.  Dad knew he was committed, appreciated his drive, and wanted to help him.  John and Dad were the two office early birds.  When other agents strolled in at 10:00, those two had already called all the expireds.

If you want a good mentor, you aren’t going to find them working from home.  You have to show up when and where they are.

When someone says, “We should meet for coffee some time,” take them up on it.

Years ago, I was at a county commission meeting.  I chatted with someone who worked for the mayor, she said, “Here’s my card.  Let’s get together for breakfast some time.”

I called her and said, “It’s Karen from the county commission meeting last week.  Do you still want to meet for breakfast?”

She had worked for several politicians, so when I was trying to get an appointment to a board, she was the first person I called and asked for advice.  She was happy to give me some.  I followed her advice and have since been appointed to several government boards.  Today, I consider this person to be a friend.

Also, when someone says, “Let me know if I can help you,” call them right away.  Don’t wait six months before you call them.  By then, they have forgotten who you are.  Any rapport you had from when you first met is gone.

Do your homework before you call.

I used to work in fundraising.  I met someone who was a potential mentor, and I had a connection to him.  Once when I wasn’t sure what to do in a situation, I called him up and asked for his help.  He happily gave me advice.  I didn’t call and say, “How do I get good at this job?”  I called and said, “I’m considering doing two things with this specific project.  I thinking about X because of ___.  I also considering Y because of ____.  Do you have any thoughts about this?  Is there anything I’m missing?”

A few months later, I did the same thing.  He was happy to help me because I had done my homework.  I asked intelligent questions.  Basically, I proved that I was worthy of his time.

When I saw him at industry events, I always made it a point to say hello.  When I had an article published in a national fundraising journal, he was the first person I wanted to share it with.  When I had some information that might help him, I made sure to share it.

About ten years later, his firm needed some help with a project and they hired me.  My area of expertise was a little different than his, so up until his retirement, he would call me and ask me for my advice.  In every case with my mentors, I have found that the student eventually becomes the teacher.

You can have different mentors for different aspects of your career.

My first real estate instruction job was at a large timeshare resort.  The launch team for the real estate school included me, legal counsel, sales and human resources.  The VP of human resources liked me and knew that I was young in my career.  She couldn’t really help me become a better real estate instructor, but she did become a mentor in the company.  She helped me meet other people in the company.  She took the time to explain things because I was curious about learning them.  She helped me learn how to navigate the corporate structure.  Basically, she was in my corner.  When I needed a recommendation letter for graduate school, she was delighted to provide it.

You might have one mentor that helps you run your business.  A different one that helps you hone your sales skills.  And a third who can help you structure deals.

Make sure the relationship is reciprocal.

I can remember when I was very young in an industry and I met an old veteran.  I was actually a little intimidated when I first met her.  But we hit it off.  One day, she had a client that she didn’t have time for, so she referred them to me.  My phone was not ringing so I was so grateful.  Years later, when I had more clients than I had time, I was able to refer people to her.

Recognize the mentor when they show up.

A mentor is not the person who has a name tag that says, “Mentor.”  It’s not the person that the company assigns to you.  It’s just someone that knows a lot and wants you to succeed.  It’s someone who believes that you have the talent, the heart, and the hustle to succeed.  When that person shows up to help, they might not make it obvious. You have to recognize it.  I’ve had mentors who are in different fields from me.  For years, I had a mentor who was a Catholic priest.  When I was in my early 20s, we worked in the same building but not the same company.  As I got to know him, he helped guide me through various workplace bureaucracies that I worked in over the years.  He always said that he worked for the oldest and largest bureaucracy on the planet.  His industry was very different than mine, but people and workplace politics are the same everywhere.

Don’t force the relationship.

Let it evolve naturally.  All of my mentor relationships, whether I was the mentor or the protégé, have evolved much the way a friendship does.  You meet at some chance encounter.  You hit it off and have some commonality.  You might meet again.  Eventually, you make an intentional effort to see them.  You trust them.  You respect them.  Next thing you know, you are calling them a friend.

I have found that mentorships are the same way.  If you call me up, and say, “Will you be my mentor?”  I’m sure I will say that I’m not the right person.  That has a little bit too much structure and formality for me.  I don’t want the obligations that come with that.

When that happens, I imagine this person calling me up and saying, “Would you be my girlfriend?”

I’d be totally put off and not even want to go to dinner.  With mentorship, just like dating, start with something simple and low-key.  Let it evolve.  Eventually you will refer to the person as your mentor and they won’t be surprised when they hear you say it.

When I think back to some of the mentors I’ve had and some of the ways I’ve benefitted, I’m amazed.  As a middle manager, I was invited to the annual Christmas party of executives because of my mentor.  I didn’t belong there, someone just liked me and wanted me to do well.  When I got a job that was way over my head, I pulled it off because I had a mentor that I could call up and say, “This is what just happened.  This is what I did.  What would you have done?”

As a child, I played a game called Chutes and Ladders.  Having a good mentor is like landing on the ladder space and you get to climb up several spaces.

Please note that Karen Climer has no affiliation with Climer School of Real Estate.  Her father, Ron Climer, sold Climer School of Real Estate in 2014.  It has since been involved in several mergers and acquisitions and is owned by a large investment company.  Karen owns Demetree School of Real Estate in Orlando, Florida.